I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I came across some words this week that spoke to  where I am as I try to live into the nightmare that is our lives today—they were words I’ve heard hundreds of times  over the last 30 or so years—they are words that could even be a prayer for this time

I certainly found myself reciting them over and over again – turning them over in my mind. 

They are words that you also might know—especially if you came of age in the late 1980’s—some of you will scowl at them but for some of you they might be poignant and maybe even prayer. 

They might have even been words that Mary and Martha might have uttered as Lazarus continued to get sicker and sicker---- words that they shouted to the heavens as death crept closer to their doors and Jesus was nowhere to be found.

They are an anthem that the psalmist might have uttered –as he waited for God to act. 

They are words that were part of a popular song of those times---  they are words of yearning—yearning for something different,  yearning for something better but something not yet realized.

These are the words

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for — Recognize them?

They  are the words of the popular band U2 words

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for—has seeped into my prayers this week —as I’ve look for but some bit of  solace and peace as life continues to swirl out of control  and it’s hard to find a place just to take a breath.  

I  still haven’t found what I’m looking they have been my prayer when I don’t know what to do or how to respond when I am not sure whether I am making the right decisions about this or that.

I still haven’t found what I’m looking—has been a prayer of frustration— of yearning for something else but not getting it.   A prayer of frustration with the way things are when I’m powerless to change them. 

It’s been a prayer of expectation.  It’s been a prayer of yearning for something better— it’s been a prayer of hope even for just a  scrap thrown from the table -just a little something better than the present.   

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for are words I’ve uttered again and again—in frustration in confusion and in anger,  I realized that they are also words of faith  that even in frustration,  or chaos or confusion  they are words that drive me to my knees and words that turn my thoughts to the heavens—they are  words  inviting God again  into the chaos or the frustration or the confusion—

The Gospels show us  a Jesus--- a God who can and will speak into the death and chaos that swirl around us.—the Gospels show us  that God will raise up life and goodness from the chaos and from death. 

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for but I’m banking that at this moment Jesus is speaking words into the chaos and will raise up in us something that we need for this day.  

AMEN